I can’t BELIEVE I allowed this!!.....
Nov 2, 2019
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K93BlGbvkpY

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you
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[Applause]
Oh
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Kitson someone like you someone like you
I want you to know me cuz I know then
you'll see we could beat you
you can be true I want you to see second
sorry
something so
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we
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see
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losing game but this time it's more in
another love they say the same in st.
the same they say love heals all it
makes it
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feels great
but you make my
so
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tonight
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see if we
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it says
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with that
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good afternoon as you guys seen yes I
already got my workout in that was after
the fact in fact I just walked through
the door I did my couple I cleaned the
kitchen up made breakfast for the kids
did my workout had to run to the pink
before they closed and just came back
all the matter of like a couple hours
but it feels good that I am pushing
myself to just stay busy like I just
don't have time to sit still but the
thing is too is I feel like that
medicine the one that my doctor put me
on for the pain blocker I feel it
working I really feel it's not making me
drowsy which I was really concerned
about that because he said taken at
nighttime because it can help you sleep
excuse me it could all be asleep and I'm
thinking oh God
you know I mean and I told him I was
like well I can't be on something that's
gonna keep me sleepy during the day
because I have two preschoolers I sleep
on them and my house is gonna be upside
down and who knows where they're gonna
be so I was like that's just not a safe
mix and being so I'm the one home taking
care of them of course that's just not
an option so I took it the night that
Olli well so I took at Thursday night
because I knew that Maya would be home
had something happened and I ended up
really sleeping hard or something but it
didn't so yesterday I felt pretty good
and then today I'm feeling really good
my back's not really hurting I mean it
still hurts but it's not as excruciating
as it normally would be it's not that
bad so fingers crossed maybe this is
gonna help and then it will help me be
able to really start working my muscles
and really working to get the extra
weight off my body so I'm really excited
I have to say you know I was looking
back at the video I made the other day
I'm talking about like the results
of my blood work and stuff and I have to
say that I have to you have to take
responsibility and I have to own not
only what I've done to myself
but what I've created for myself and
saying that you know I didn't want to
accept and I still have a hard time
accepting the word that most have
figured out what I was indicating which
cuz I just didn't want to come out and
straight say I was diagnosed with
diabetes because one I am afraid to let
you guys down
I'm afraid to let myself down I'm afraid
if I say I have diabetes that's what I'm
permanently going to be labeled with and
I don't want that of course I don't want
that I don't think there's not anybody
that wants that you know diagnosis and
the thing is is that for so long I just
kept thinking oh it's not gonna happen
to me it's not gonna happen to me I'm
gonna lose weight it's not gonna happen
to me I go to the doctors and my blood
my blood numbers are perfect you know
and he's always really good about you
know you're not even borderline diabetic
and I went from just being low lower on
the low scale I guess you would say a
pre-diabetic to all of a sudden just
move I was up and you know I know some
of it has to do with my age because I'm
not a little chicken anymore I'm not
with Omar I had gestational diabetes and
it wasn't just like diabetes it was I
was on insulin induced had to give
myself three shots a day in my stomach
and you know so I know what it is and I
swore to myself after having Omar I
would never ever ever allow myself to
get diabetes because living the life
that I did while being pregnant with
Omar and dealing with the diabetes it
was hard it was a complete adjustment
yes but it was hard having to give
yourself the show
it's and poking your fingers your
fingers get sore your stomach gets
bruised you get burnt out it's not
something fun it's not something cool
but I have to finally accept that this
is what I've done to myself I did this
nobody else did this to me but me I did
it and now I have to be the one to get
myself out of this I have to be the one
to take full responsibility and
accountability and say okay you know
what I did this by my choices and my
actions of what I've done all along with
my eating and now I have to be the one
to take responsibility and say okay
enough is enough
so that night so Thursday night I'm
trying to remember all the nights but so
Thursday night we went me and oli when I
say we we went to the grocery store and
I went in and I bought stuff like fresh
oh god why can I not think of it um it
starts with an S why am I not being able
to think of it I got solid stuff but I
also got um not seaweed spinach sorry
there I got a fresh bag of spinach and a
fresh bag of salad mix and I got some
tomatoes and cucumbers and I bought a
couple chicken breasts out I am cutting
up and then just cooking them on the
stove and you know putting just a little
bit of pepper and a little bit of
seasonings on them putting it over my my
salad so I can have a chicken salad
changing up the way that I make my
salads but since Thursday night so since
basically Friday I have cut out a
hundred percent carbs and I've replaced
all that with vegetables and meats and
things like that if you guys have any
suggestions of things that are just
carved
I'm doing carb zero carb and trying to
do as less sugar as I can in every
direction so you know where I would
normally add sugar I don't I do know
that they have like sugar free stuff and
I'm I'm doing a lot of reading up on my
Pinterest and things trying to get some
great ideas because this is a whole new
lifestyle for me and this is gonna be
something I'm gonna live with for the
rest of my life in the sense that I have
to now be careful because even when I
lose weight and I come down my numbers
come down and I'm not diabetic anymore
whatever happens it doesn't mean I can
just go back to the way I was because I
know I'll get bright back into the same
situation again and I don't want that
they did put me on Medford Minh so I
started taking that Thursday night as
well I start taking all my meds Thursday
night I took my vitamin D supplement
Thursday night so for the next fifty
four days every seven days I have to
take one of those pills of the 50,000
units of vitamin D but I am you know I
have to accept it and move on and when I
say move on is I have to accept it and
now make a game plan of what I'm gonna
do and you know start taking this stuff
serious because we're not joking anymore
we are not playing this this is not
gonna be a joke I plan on every single
day doing workout some days I'll be
sitting down some days I'll be standing
up it depends on where my back is that
and where my legs are out because I'm
still dealing with my muscles in my legs
which come to find out that's probably
the deficiency of the vitamin D I did
not know that again being a vitamin D
deficient that it can cause severe pain
in your bones and joints and stuff like
that and that's probably why on my left
leg I have those times when I can barely
walk because of the pain it's probably
because of that so there are days where
I will have to sit and do workouts
because I don't want to either hurt
myself as well as trying to build those
muscles and work those joints and get
everything back where it
to be and my goal is just focus on
losing weight
that's just my biggest focus right now
is I have to drop weight and I want to
drop weight fast I've had multiple
people ask me Amy why haven't you you
know thought about the weight loss
surgery I have multiple reasons why I
have decided not to do the weight loss
surgery one being I have a family member
that died during or after having the
surgery because she did not get a new
enough nutrition once she got done with
her surgery and right there that scares
the crap out of me that's the first
thing I had a really close friend that
died from getting the surgery as well
and also because my eating problems are
not just because I enjoy food and if my
stomach was cut shorter or littler that
it would fix the situation mine is
mentally and so I don't believe that a
surgery is gonna fix surgery is not
gonna fix the emotional part of this
whole eating problem how so for me if I
was to get the surgery and I don't fix
up here first then nothing's gonna be
good and I'm just gonna go back to my
old eating habits you can start your
stomach back out it doesn't take much I
know lots and lots of people that have
had the weight loss surgery and they've
had amazing outcome so I'm not against
it however I don't feel is for me
because mine isn't so much that I had
just enjoyed food because I enjoy food I
enjoy food because it's my comfort so
therefore it shows I have other issues
with food not just that I love to eat
food I hope that makes sense so I don't
knock the way all surgery I don't tell
people that I talked to that you know oh
I'm against it and you shouldn't get it
I don't ever do that in fact I know
quite a few people that are getting
prepared to get the surgery and I
support them 100% because that is their
choice and if that's what's gonna help
them go for it but for me I personally
don't feel like that is what I mean do
you think that I would turn away from
something that I can legit have a
surgery for and lose all my weight and
be okay do you really think that I would
be sitting here and
pain and almost dying do you think I
would turn away something that could
give me all of that back absolutely not
but I know wholeheartedly that the
surgery is not just a cop-out it's not
my safe thing it's not safe for me
because I am I use food for more than
just enjoyment I use it for my comfort I
use it for my friend I use it for a lot
of things so for me that surgery just
would not fix the situation whatsoever
it would probably make it worse so
that's why I personally choose not to do
the surgery but that doesn't mean that
oh because I didn't want the surgery
that I don't want to lose weight or I
don't want to get healthy yes I want all
of those things and yes we are going to
get to those things because again I have
to take these things seriously coz yes I
was diagnosed with diabetes on Thursday
when I went to the doctors and yes I am
on medicine now because of it and yes I
am on my journey to losing this weight
because I have to I don't have a choice
anymore now it's now we're getting
serious now we're talking this has
become an issue with my health not just
my bones my muscles hurting now we're
talking it's turned into a lot more and
I don't want I don't want to lose my
life to something that I could have
avoided and I still can avoid if I make
the right choices
so anyways my kids are playing and
they're gonna just probably get louder
and louder so I'm gonna close here but I
just wanted to give you guys a little
just a little talk that yes you know
most of you guys caught on to what I was
trying to say the other day without
saying it straightforward because I
hadn't accepted it yet and I am at the
point now where I have to accept it so
that way I can start fixing it and I
just hope and pray that you guys be
understanding I hope and ask that you
guys be compassionate towards me during
this time I don't need to be beat up for
it I don't need to be told how horrible
of a person I am
don't need to be preached to I really
don't I don't need that what I need is
support I need people to stand by me and
you know encourage me give me great
ideas I'm up for ideas about everything
if any of you guys have you know been
diagnosed with diabetes maybe you guys
can give me some tips that you guys do
with your eating you know things like
that but I just ask that you guys please
keep it positive because I'm already
having a really hard time accepting it
it's scary it's not something that I was
looking forward to hearing so I just ask
that you guys be really cautious as
you're talking with me that you just
keep in mind that this is a very new
diagnosis for me and I'm just coming out
of denial of it and needing to accept it
but I need to accept it with compassion
that yes this is something I did to
myself but it's also something I can fix
and that's what I'm willing and ready to
do I'm not gonna sit here and just you
know wobble in it and not take
responsibility and take action to get
rid of it I am doing everything to
prepare and already start to get this
diagnosis off my shoulders because I
don't want to live with that so anyways
and I have a checkup and well I have a
checkup in a month to recheck my meds
but I have a check-up in six months to
recheck my blood work and stuff so we'll
find out at that time how things are
looking so anyways I hope you guys have
a wonderful Saturday I can't believe
we're already almost through the weekend
enjoy today you guys is I'm gonna go
enjoy my babies and go watch a movie
with them now that I've gotten
everything done for the day take care
you guys and I'll talk to you soon